inadequate.

i'm around.

yes.

and no, i haven't "quit" blogging. but.... for whatever reason... i feel like there are, uh, rules. rules to this blogging thing. as in, if you haven't blogged in a week {or two or three} you might as well NOT do it because you are SO not cool.

but then i remember why i do it.

not to be cool... mostly.

but to keep a record of what's been going on. the good, the bad and the ugly. i try to keep it real here, folks.

let's be honest. with this new life stage i am finding my family in, i'm feeling incredibly inadequate lately. and the passage i read this morning in my quiet time did not exactly encourage me.

"Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates." Deuteronomy 6:4-8

does anyone feel totally & completely inadequate after reading that?

it should encourage me. but instead, in my prayer journal i simply wrote for today in big bold letters:

INADEQUATE.

  

i have no idea what i'm doing most days. as a wife, a friend, a sister a daughter... but especially as a mom. as someone who wants desperately to write the word of the Lord on my children's hearts but has no idea where to start. i can make excuse after excuse after excuse.... but none of it matters because even if i had it down pat, the fact is the same. 

i. am. inadequate.

and that's the point. that the Lord IS adequate. HE is the one that is supposed to fill in when i can't figure it out. HE gives strength to the weak. HE heals the broken. HE gives rest to the weary. HE can carry the burdens of my heart & the burdens of my mind. 

HE IS ADEQUATE, y'all. 

today i've been repeating that over and over. 

there are TWO things that the Lord has all but told me to do. but He has seemingly forgotten to give me the details of those things. how it will look. what steps i'm supposed to take. what i'm supposed to say. all of those details that God so clearly orchestrates in hindsight, well, He has just forgotten them.

right?

or is it more that He is telling me to remember how we blindly trusted Him last fall and after i take the first step then He will show me the second. and then after the second He will show me the third.

hmmmm.

i hate it when He works that way.

because it's scary. at least for me, it's scary. there are so many what if's for me in obedience. isn't that wretched? what if i fail? what if i stumble? what if i don't have time... or the strength? Lord, You know i don't have all {or let's be honest - any} of the answers... why would you ask me to do this? 

or worse... what if i'm rejected?

how selfish. but it's true. i think that. all. the. time. i'm a huge people pleaser and rejection is the worst. and i've had plenty of it over my life. 

but then i hear Him whisper... I AM ADEQUATE.

and that's all i need.

i'm going to go now and obey. 

love y'all.