grace.

do you ever have those weekends where you feel yourself gearing up for what is lying ahead? the kind where you try to soak it all in and breathe deep because you know it's about to be crazy hard coming up? 

that's what we did this weekend. went on a little getaway with some dear friends. 

and it was awesome. just what i needed. because these next few weeks are going to be cray-cray. the end of school, end of session, birthdays, swim lessons, volunteering, lunches, dinners, etc. just lots and lots of transitions and stuff happening. 

and so, with every breath this weekend, i tried to soak in the quiet. and gear up. and try to plan out how i'm going to pull it all together this week. {read: pull myself together this week.}

and as i was writing out my to do list, going over our calendar and thinking of all the {good} stuff coming up, i was trying to get it in my head that i need to have it all together or none of it's together. 

but that's not right, is it? 

having balance in my life really isn't a good thing. 

it's all about having it unbalanced. doesn't that sound backward? 

{reading interrupted by jen hatmaker. life altering. vision changing. read it.}

it's really all about having a life out of balance. God taking over - being huge in our life and the other stuff falls in when it can. i'm not saying that i don't need to do laundry or fix my dinner or wind down. i'm saying that if my priorities are straight - unbalanced, if you will - then everything will feel in balance.

and so today - i'm taking it one step at a time - trying to give myself a lot of grace. a lot of room for error. asking the Lord to take me by the hand one chore at a time. asking Him to show me what is a need vs. want. what does He want me to get done vs. what i want to make happen. 

and it's hard. but freeing. a few times today, as i've found myself rushing from one task to the next, i feel Him whisper "slooooow....." and i quite literally have to slow my steps. breathe slower. smile more. see my kids more.

i'm excited to get on with the next few weeks, but i truly feel convinced that we tend to fill up our time with good things instead of pouring out our time to Him. in this season i find that i've had to cut activities out just to make it through the week. without an extra set of hands it feels like a gigantic task to get to and from and here and there. and yes, i have dear friends that are more than happy to help out - but that's not really the issue now. 

the issue now is that i actually like it this way. i like slowing down and having room to breathe. our weekends are meant to rejuvinate us {especially as a couple, in my opinion} and when we're separated by a million activities it's hard to feel refreshed when it's all over.

maybe you could say that my kids are "missing out" because we're not involved in every activity, but i'm actually grateful that we have time to experience life as a family while we can. i know there's going to come a day really soon when b. is going to be hyper involved in a sport or other activity. and c. will be doing the same soon after. and i want that for them. i loved being involved. so did the hubbs.

but - for now - we've chosen to live slowly. and again, it's our season. not anyone else's. and as judged as i sometimes feel, i know that j. and i are making these choices together and are on the same page. we're trying to follow our plan - the race He set out before us.

so let's make a deal. let's give each other grace. i won't judge your choices and you don't judge mine. your life is different than mine. your personality is different. your kids are different. your circumstances are different. none harder than the other. none better or worse... just different. 

and there's no way i could ever walk a mile in your shoes. and i wouldn't want to, i'm sure. 

so let's not pretend there's another way. and just accept that we are who we are. and keep our eyes on the Prize and not on our surroundings. keeping up with the joneses - or what have you. if you're in a season where you are able to live "fast"... go for it. more power to you. 

i'm just simply sharing that my season - well - it should be "fast". it's crazy. but we're choosing to live it slow. whatever that means. and i'll be trying to figure that out until i'm called elsewhere. failing everyday and giving myself {and others!} grace.

and that's that. 

xoxo.

hello, friday.

whew. 

i can't believe how incredibly FAST this week went.

two nugget's birthdays this week. the beautiful girl in between c. and b. turned SIX this week. cannot believe it. i remember holding her in the hospital. she is gorgeous. sporty. oh so kind to my kids. we love her. 

and then b. he turns FIVE on sunday. FIVE. and kindergarten roundup is next friday. WHAAAT? ever since he was born i've been waiting for the day for him to go to kindergarten. i struggled a bit with postpartum after i had him and the adjustment was hard. i remember sitting there counting down the {long} years until i'd be able to "be myself" again. my perspective was totally skewed, of course, but i have never dreaded the kindergarten years. partly because i think he can't wait to go, partly because i know he's ready. and i'm ready too. i think.

but let me tell y'all. when i saw that notice on the elementary school marquee, i all of a sudden became a blubbering idiot. i was in the car by myself and i called j. to tell him about how ridiculous it was that i all of a sudden am crying about this. he may or may not have gotten choked up too, i'll never tell you.

why is it that going to kindergarten brings out all sorts of emotions. when people tell me, "it goes by so fast!" i think, no it doesn't. i still don't think it's gone by fast - but how in the world is he old enough to go to school? and i think the part about us not necessarily knowing that we're going to be going to this elementary school {which is superior, by the way!} bothers me to no end.

i moved around a lot when i was little. i went to two elementary schools, two middle schools and then moved again before my freshman year in high school. and although i think it turned out okay and i have never thought i carry emotional "scars" from it, i also hate thinking about b. changing schools and starting over with making friends. it's me, not him. 

so.... as we approach five this weekend, i'm going to have to find a way to get him to understand we will not be attending kindergarten starting monday. we will not be riding a bus {probably never more than field trips, poor guy}. and i will be holding onto him a little tighter the next few months.

that's totally normal, right? 

happy weekend, y'all. 

life.

the bible tells us in jeremiah 1:5 "before I formed you in the womb, I knew you." do you believe that to be Truth?

i do. 

yesterday was sanctity of life sunday. according to wikepedia {which know is always accurate & reliable, right?} "In a January 13, 1984 proclamation, President Ronald Reagan designated January 22, 1984 as the first National Sanctity of Human Life Day. The date was chosen to coincide with the 11th anniversary of the Roe v. Wade Supreme Court case that first recognized the constitutionally-protected status of abortion in the United States.^[1]"

our pastor preached out boldly yesterday. and my heart ached.

he brought not-so-startling statistics regarding abortion & the abused. not startling but certainly alarming. and my heart ached.

he talked about how the Lord creates every life for His purpose. for His glory. and that we, as a society, view life & children very nonchalantly. and my heart ached.

my heart aches for the children that have been aborted. who were never given the chance to live their life. the life that, i believe, the Lord intended for them to live - but also knowing their ultimate fate.

my heart aches for the children who are unwanted. the ones who are unloved, abused or discarded. the orphans. the ones who have parents who honestly love them, but are in situations that they cannot get "straightened out", for lack of a better term, and therefore cannot care adequately for them.

i left the sermon feeling broken.

i know that my beliefs are certainly rooted in my faith. and our argument of when life begins will differ if you and i do not share the same faith. and that is okay.  one thing that is wonderful about living in america is that we have the ability to disagree. and that is wonderful.

i want my views and opinions to be challenged. there are certainly issues that i am not 100% educated about. there are issues that i do not feel as strongly about and there are ones that i am open to other people's concerns about.

but this. this one is not one of them. i have prayed and prayed about it for years. it's an issue that has been on my heart from the time i was in college. i read a book that rocked my views about choice and "women's rights".

i realized that God has a plan for every life. every. single. one. and yes, you might be in a tough place. one that i cannot comprehend or imagine. and i cannot promise you that there aren't consequences no matter what you choose but i can promise you this.

that God loves you. God loves your children. He has a plan for your child.  so much greater than what our plans could ever be. give Him a chance.

the hubbs & i know that we will adopt some day. there is a hole the size of texas in my heart, that grows by the day, waiting to be filled by a child {or children!} that are not biologically our own. there are SO many children that are neglected and tossed away in foreign countries. their view of children is minimal and thus so is their treatment.

i have met some of these children that have been rescued. that the Lord has so graciously placed into the arms of families we love & therefore these children are now children that we love. we are so inspired by the families that have stepped up to the plate and answered the Lord's call on their lives.

while i wish that we could give EVERY child a home, my eyes have been opened to the fact that there are so many children here - in my suburb of plano - that are neglected, unwanted, abused & abandoned. there are oh so many that are NOT LOVED. can you imagine that? a child in their own home not feeling love from their own mother or father? feeling discarded and lonely? my heart aches. i have cried many tears over these children.

and the more j. and i pray about it, the more we feel called here. to serve, to learn more, to simply care. there are so many ways to help. i feel very strongly about the foster care system. a social services lawyer told me last year that once children hit 2 years old their likelihood of finding permanent homes goes down dramatically. at 2 years old?

my daughter is 2. i cannot imagine her permanently floating from house to house hoping for someone to latch onto her. care for her. bring her up in the ways of the Lord. someone to play dress up with. someone to braid her hair. someone to read stories with. someone to hold her at night time when she has a scary dream. someone to rock her to sleep.....

these children are innocent. they have not made these choices. their parents have either made poor choices are simply have found themselves in a terrible situation.

either way. these children are out there and WE can help. 

i know that it is not yet our time to adopt. i know we will be there some day. but what can i do now? what can i do to not simply be "anti-abortion" or "anti-choice" but to be PRO-life, PRO-children?

there are SO many things.

i am in plano and there is a wonderful advocacy center here for children. i have met some of the wonderful women who work here and i need to take a tour. my husband has and it changed him. that's why i've been putting it off, i guess. there's no way i'll be able to walk through and NOT be emotional about it. i'd want to come home with a child every time i went. look up your town and see if there is an advocacy center. there are so many ways to volunteer. you can help with administrative stuff if you don't think you can handle the child interaction. they need all sorts of help - and donations - not just monetary.

our church also has a WONDERFUL pregnancy center. i have wanted to be a volunteer here for such a long time. my time does not allow it at the moment with two littles at home. however, like i said before, you can volunteer from your house! i've called through lists they provided to ask for sponsorships for their benefits. i've stuffed envelopes. i've sent out emails. a few years ago, we took on a little cookbook project in which we were able to donate $3,000 dollars to the pregnancy center as a group of women.

i promise if you pray for a way to promote life, the Lord will give you a way. 

please know, that if you find yourself in a desperate situation, there is hope. there ARE options - even if you don't feel like there are. the way that seems easiest right now just might be the hardest in the long run. i serve a God of grace, mercy, healing, forgiveness. you are NOT alone. He is with you - even in your darkest moments. reach out to someone for help. for guidance. wisdom. 

being a 'yes' mom.

so, this weekend the hubbs & i had the opportunity to go to the tx/ou football game at the cottonbowl. so very cool. it's one of those things i've always wanted to do but you can't quite justify spending close to $400 when it's not really your team. but we got tix and had the wonderful opportunity to go this year {even though 'our' team was all but shut out!}

we rode the dart rail there & back and on the way back we were some of the only people on the train. there was another couple & their son who was probably 10 or 11 on there with us. the son was obviously excited about whatever they had been doing that day and was super inquisitive about the train & where it was going, etc. 

the dad was NOT having it. 

it was awful. my heart broke for this child. the dad was raising his voice telling the little boy to "be quiet" and to "stop talking" and that "everyone wants to rest" and "your voice is annoying right now". i couldn't believe it. i kept having to tell the hubbs to stop glaring looking. 

the son was NOT being annoying, he was just being a little boy asking questions while on the train. now, i don't pretend to know how their day had been going up until that point. i kept trying to remind myself that it could have been an awful day with him, or that they could be going through something.... even so the mom ended up moving to the back of the car. it was... well... weird.

but it got me to thinking about how i talk to b. how i react to him. even when i have a long day. even when he's been incredibly defiant & disobedient. even... even... even. 

and i suddenly was very convicted. about my tone. about my immediate reaction. i want it to be one of encouragement, not discouragement.... or condescending. i want to be a 'yes' mom.

i want to put my phone away when they are looking. i want to give them 100% of my attention SEVERAL times a day. i'm not one to think they should get everything they want when they want it... life does not revolve around them. or me. but we're a family and they need to feel important. 

i want to be b's biggest cheerleader when he colors inside the lines or when he pretends to be a super hero. i want to speak more words of 'yes' and encouragement than those of dissent or discipline. i want to focus on all that they do good... all that they do right... not just what i need to correct.

so this week i'm going to be intention about saying yes. 

"can we go to the park?" yes.

"can we play with the play dough?" yes.

"can we build a fort?" yes.

and being positive. praising their good behavior. the traits that make them who they are - uniquely His - and focusing on what they do well. going out of my way to encourage them and love on them.

i should be doing this all the time. but life gets busy. and plans take over. and worry over discipline & training takes precedence. sometimes out of necessity, sometimes out of control and sometimes out of pure selfishness.

i have a lot on my plate this week.  but behind the hubbs, my two little ones are going to be my highest priority. making them feel special & important this week. because how can i expect them to make others feel encouraged and special if they do not feel special themselves? 

will you join me in my quest? i know it's not going to be easy & we're going to have hard days this week. but i know that He will provide the strength and tenderness that i need to love on my kids. praise Jesus.

happy monday.

tattoos, dolphins, sea lions & ducks.

after our fun outing to the very popular candy store, we headed next door to one of those junky beach shops. and what did we get? 

a henna tattoo. so fun. 

brady was very proud to be sitting in such a big boy chair getting his 'tattoo'.

our very own super heros. love.

as i mentioned before, our trip was kinda rainy. 

and one day that looked as if it wouldn't let up enough for us to go to the beach, jo and i took the boys to the gulfarium for a hopefully dry outing.

turns out most of it, although covered, is outside. 

the boys loved their "maps".

waiting for the sea lion show. jo & i thought they were pretty cute, but the boys weren't terribly impressed. 

now, the dolphins, they were a different story. 

unbelievable. 

how wonderful is God's creation? i feel like each year we go to the beach, i come back more in awe of Him. 

maybe it's because i get to experience a different "creation" for a while. how many different kind of fish are there in the sea? how many different corals? sting rays? sunsets? different kinds of sand. seaweed. jellyfish. waves. on & on & on. 

awe.

anyway - the dolphins. the boys were quite impressed. as were we. loved being able to get these pictures.

and when we got back the sun was shining once again. 

so we took the girls & the daddies to feed the ducks with us. 

b. was super happy to show c the way - and how to feed them.

if you look really closely at the picture below, you'll see two tiny baby ducks on the left. hidden in the grass.

the momma wasn't too happy with us getting this close.

love.

i didn't get much {okay - any} sewing done yesterday. i did manage to buy some adorable fabric {as seen on my instagram} yesterday. now it's just sitting in the dining room waiting to be used. 

let's see if we can get some of that done tonight as the hubbs and i embark on season 2 of friday night lights. we are HUGE fans. we originally got into the series during season 3, and we had borrowed season 1 from a friend. but now - we've found netflix. 

and we tried downton abbey. oh did we try. and maybe we will keep trying. i so want to be sophisticated enough to find it fascinating as so many of my friends have.

but only after season 2 of FNL. it is seriously the best. show. ever. 

and perfect for fall.... and the anticipation of all things football!!!

texas forever, y'all.