grace.

do you ever have those weekends where you feel yourself gearing up for what is lying ahead? the kind where you try to soak it all in and breathe deep because you know it's about to be crazy hard coming up? 

that's what we did this weekend. went on a little getaway with some dear friends. 

and it was awesome. just what i needed. because these next few weeks are going to be cray-cray. the end of school, end of session, birthdays, swim lessons, volunteering, lunches, dinners, etc. just lots and lots of transitions and stuff happening. 

and so, with every breath this weekend, i tried to soak in the quiet. and gear up. and try to plan out how i'm going to pull it all together this week. {read: pull myself together this week.}

and as i was writing out my to do list, going over our calendar and thinking of all the {good} stuff coming up, i was trying to get it in my head that i need to have it all together or none of it's together. 

but that's not right, is it? 

having balance in my life really isn't a good thing. 

it's all about having it unbalanced. doesn't that sound backward? 

{reading interrupted by jen hatmaker. life altering. vision changing. read it.}

it's really all about having a life out of balance. God taking over - being huge in our life and the other stuff falls in when it can. i'm not saying that i don't need to do laundry or fix my dinner or wind down. i'm saying that if my priorities are straight - unbalanced, if you will - then everything will feel in balance.

and so today - i'm taking it one step at a time - trying to give myself a lot of grace. a lot of room for error. asking the Lord to take me by the hand one chore at a time. asking Him to show me what is a need vs. want. what does He want me to get done vs. what i want to make happen. 

and it's hard. but freeing. a few times today, as i've found myself rushing from one task to the next, i feel Him whisper "slooooow....." and i quite literally have to slow my steps. breathe slower. smile more. see my kids more.

i'm excited to get on with the next few weeks, but i truly feel convinced that we tend to fill up our time with good things instead of pouring out our time to Him. in this season i find that i've had to cut activities out just to make it through the week. without an extra set of hands it feels like a gigantic task to get to and from and here and there. and yes, i have dear friends that are more than happy to help out - but that's not really the issue now. 

the issue now is that i actually like it this way. i like slowing down and having room to breathe. our weekends are meant to rejuvinate us {especially as a couple, in my opinion} and when we're separated by a million activities it's hard to feel refreshed when it's all over.

maybe you could say that my kids are "missing out" because we're not involved in every activity, but i'm actually grateful that we have time to experience life as a family while we can. i know there's going to come a day really soon when b. is going to be hyper involved in a sport or other activity. and c. will be doing the same soon after. and i want that for them. i loved being involved. so did the hubbs.

but - for now - we've chosen to live slowly. and again, it's our season. not anyone else's. and as judged as i sometimes feel, i know that j. and i are making these choices together and are on the same page. we're trying to follow our plan - the race He set out before us.

so let's make a deal. let's give each other grace. i won't judge your choices and you don't judge mine. your life is different than mine. your personality is different. your kids are different. your circumstances are different. none harder than the other. none better or worse... just different. 

and there's no way i could ever walk a mile in your shoes. and i wouldn't want to, i'm sure. 

so let's not pretend there's another way. and just accept that we are who we are. and keep our eyes on the Prize and not on our surroundings. keeping up with the joneses - or what have you. if you're in a season where you are able to live "fast"... go for it. more power to you. 

i'm just simply sharing that my season - well - it should be "fast". it's crazy. but we're choosing to live it slow. whatever that means. and i'll be trying to figure that out until i'm called elsewhere. failing everyday and giving myself {and others!} grace.

and that's that. 

xoxo.

at the bottom of the mountain.

 {via}

there's something that the Lord has been pressing on my heart for the last year or two. 

and it's very scary to share the details of it. only because i have no idea what He's going to do with it. i can speculate all i want - and each time i do He turns me in another direction on the same road. 

it's crazy. 

i feel like it's been a roller coaster of emotions. highs & lows. twists & turns. thinking i know where i'm going and then He says "turn around becky - let's go this way instead." although, i know that it's really not instead - it's more of a this-is-what-I-had-planned-but-didn't-tell-you kind of thing.

why do i think He needs to tell me? 

because i want control. i want to steer the car. i want to decide how it's going to happen. i want to plan & be prepared & get there faster. 

but He continues to leave me in the dark as He emphatically drives the car. i've determined that there's no room for me in this driver's seat. 

and - to be quite honest - it drives me completely crazy.

{via}

i was praying this morning about how i feel about all of this & a vivid picture came to my mind. 

it's as if i've long been on this journey and i've been able to see something way off in the distance. with every bump in the road, every hill & every mountain that i've crossed over in the past two years or so, i've been able to see this mountain in the distance come a bit closer. it's scary knowing something like that is coming up on your journey. but also exhiliarating as i've found Him so faithful in my other climbs. 

and as this mountain has gotten closer, i've discovered it's not just one, but several dozen. a mountain range if you will. and there's no way to walk around it. i'm going to have to go through it. and now i'm standing at the bottom. i'm still. and clueless. staring straight up at the steep journey ahead. i see so many different paths i could take. but which one? which one am i supposed to go down? 

i have no idea. none.

here's the crazy thing. a few weeks ago, He laid it on my heart to mention all of this to our new women's minister. i didn't think she could do anything but listen, and He told me to, so i made plans in my head to talk with her in june or so - after j got back from session.

that very sunday she happened into our sunday school room. and i couldn't sit still. like i had ants in my pants or something until i got up and ran after her in the hallway. as i mentioned to her that i wanted to get together with her - in june - about what the Lord has {heavily} laid on my heart she told me that another woman called her about almost the same thing {ONE of the mountains i see before me!} the day before. the Lord was stirring and we needed to chat.

i met with her yesterday. the first thing i said was, "chrissie - i have no idea why i'm here except the Lord told me to come." crazy that the Lord has laid a similar crisis on her heart. crazy, but not, because we've seen Him work like this before, haven't we? 

we know ONE step to take at the moment. ONE. and that's pretty much research. doesn't seem terribly productive to me when i know the Lord has brought me here. let's get started already. i'm tired of staring at this huge mountain {range}. just take me up. let me fall. whatever - i just want to get started on this climb.

but He's not ready. again - with Him steering the car, deciding the pace. what's with His control anyway? seriously! can't He give it over just once?

ahhhh - but His ways are NOT mine. and praise Him that they aren't. i'd already be up and over that mountain by now, missing all of the lessons & blessings & trials along the way. can i get an amen?

 {via}

so here i am. 

having no idea of the what, why, how, who.... whatever. none. 

just that the Lord has brought me here. 

and yes, it's all kind of sort of weirdly intertwined with africa. but not really. but sort of. huh. 

i don't really know how all of the pieces could even begin to wrap together to form a cohesive story. but i know that He can do it. and He will. in His timing. 

and, for now, i will settle in and enjoy the ride {or the stillness} and attempt to wait for Him to make His move - which i have a feeling will be something of clearing a pathway on the mountain that isn't wide open but more of a back-woods-trails type. 

what mountains is He asking you to climb? are you in a valley? do you see something in the distance? i'd love to know your story. 

xoxo.

on sundays.

sundays have almost always been a hard day for me.

j. & i dated in high school but we went to separate high schools. we didn't see each other much during the week - i played sports & so did he. on the weekends we got to see each other either friday or saturday night and then we hung out pretty much all day sunday between church/youth choir/ sunday night church. {ooooh how i miss sunday night church. i LOVED it.}

sunday nights would be full of tears, heartache & catching up on homework for me. oh how dramatic i probably was as a teenager. 

and then i went to college before j. did. sundays were full of goodbyes. and he did an internship in d.c. one summer - more sundays. 

and then there's our current state. 

sundays full of tearful goodbyes. 

and my heart aches. 

i miss my best friend. i miss laughing with him, holding his hand & talking with him about the sweet nothings of our days. our limited conversations now are full of more "important" topics like the littles, his day in session, his votes, my business, planning the weekend, how we're going to get everything done. 

repeat. 

but although my heart is aching... longing for his physical presence... i am oh so grateful that his emotional presence is always felt. when we prayed over the campaign i felt an overwhelming sense of peace that God is BIGGER than a physical gap. He could bridge whatever that gap might bring for me or my children. 

and the peace is wonderful. it surpasses anything i could have ever imagined. it is what holds me together most sunday nights when i watch his tailights fade down the street. the Lord has been gracious to me in that way. 

but the fact is that we live in a fallen world. and although my heartaches does not compare to a lot of yours out there, it is real. and in an odd way it makes me grateful that i even have it. grateful for a husband who loves me and my kids. he loves his job & has a high privelage to serve his constinuents, but i have never doubted that our family comes first. that is a true blessing. 

sundays bring all sorts of emotions. 

sometimes i roll back in time when i say a dramatic teenage goodbye to my boyfriend of 2 months while i feel like i seriously might die if i don't get to see him until saturday. 

sometimes it makes me think of the sunday nights while we were engaged but living in different cities, talking about how we couldn't wait for the sunday that we didn't have to say goodbye. 

and sometimes it makes me thankful for all that the Lord has brought us through to get here, to this sunday. where we are just taking it one day at a time, together, on His course for our lives - wherever that might lead. 

so. with that.... onto monday!

xoxo.

symphony.

we went to the lake this weekend. to getaway and spend some time with my family. our plan was to head back this morning in time for church & eat lunch with j's family. 

but today didn't quite go as expected. 

i woke the littles up for their egg hunt and my lil' miss was bright red. i thought maybe she had gotten sun burned, although we weren't really in the sun, but when i felt her head she was burning up. her pour little body. so we had at least two down for our easter service at church today.

then as we started driving we hit a horrible thunderstorm. 

like, it was totally legit. and scary. 

the only thing that could have made it worse would have been tornadoes. 

we had to pull over three times to catch our breath and wait for a cell to pass because we literally could not see. hail, cloud-to-ground lighting, wind... you name it, this storm had it. 

so there you go. none of us were going to make it back for church. 

bummer. 

i felt like all day my whole spirit has been in kind of a bummer state. but it's easter.... it shouldn't be that way. i should be reflecting on all that He has done for me. instead, i'm tending to my sick baby & fighting a storm, packing my husband for the week, doing laundry, cleaning my house & working. 

ugh.

and then i remembered a sweet moment i had in the car this morning. 

as the lighting was flashing in the sky {before the scary rain happened}, i was listening to this song. symphony. 

"let the earth fear the Lord, and let the people of the world stand in awe...."

all creation was made to point to Him. how amazing is that? it was all created for His glory. to be evidence of a loving God. the lightning, the rain, the hail - it's all under His hand. 

it reminded me that we can find Him anywhere at any time. not just in church on sunday morning in our easter finest {although i totally think you should go to corporate worship!} but when it can't happen..... you can find Him in the car with you. He is amazing. His love for us in all-encompassing and wonderful. His sacrifice for us was the ultimate. and i am eternally grateful. 

& so i'm going to africa.

happy wednesday, precious friends.

i so appreciated all of the encouragement i got on yesterday's post about my little business. y'all really know how to make a girl feel the love. and i needed a little hug yesterday and i feel like i got it from you. thank you from the bottom of my heart. 

and now for my little announcement:

a few weeks ago, i took a dear friend out to dinner after her daughter got married. this woman holds a very special place in my heart, as does her family. i respect her & admire her in oh so many ways. 

i was sharing with her all that was going on in our lives, as she held my littlest while they colored together. and i asked her about this mission trip she & her hubby had mentioned they were going on this summer.

as she began to talk, my heart started to swell. she casually said, "becky, you should really go." my heart went pitter pat. "ummm... maybe. i'll have to talk to j. about it, but he probably won't be able to go after session is over and everything. maybe next year. but send me the information anyway." pitter pat. pitter pat. 

we continued to talk about life and what the Lord had been teaching her & her family. i so admire her heart & could literally sit at her feet all day and soak in all that she says. y'all, this woman oozes the love of jesus. 

eventually we hugged and she hollered at me "i'll send you an email" as she walked away. pitter pat. another flutter.

and i took my kids to barnes & noble for an extra special treat on the way home. i vividly remember walking around aimlessly as thoughts of africa began to swirl around in my head. 

"Lord, is it time?? of course, that's what you must be telling me, right?" those precious little orphans that have long since won my heart over in all shapes, colors & sizes - is that what He was telling me? 

as the night wore on and i climbed into bed i prayed out loud, "if You want me to go - make it clear to me." and wouldn't you know it? He did. 

the next morning after my alarm went off, i sleepily looked at my instagram. the very first image was a screenshot of this verse: 

"defend the weak and the fatherless; uphold the cause of the poor and the oppressed. rescue the weak and the needy; deliver them from the hand of the wicked." psalm 82: 3, 4

okay.....

throughout the day, i felt this "holy echo" in my life. i saw this verse repeated three times in various places. three. 

the hubbs and i discussed this at length & he agreed with me that i needed to go. the only thing is that he's not. 

i'm going to travel across the world without him. whaaat? 

and as we began to pray about it, we didn't know how much it was going to be but we knew that it was going to be a lot and that we didn't have the kind of money. so i prayed. 

my conversation with the Lord over the next few days sorta went like this:

me: "Lord, i'll raise that money. if You want me to go on that mission trip, that money will come in."

God: "remember that little business that I gave you? what was the purpose again??"

me: "blessing others. being myself. how does that have anything to do with this? ohhhhh..... ok. i can part with some of that money. whatever i don't raise, i'll use my little branches money for."

God: "think again."

a day passes.

me: "okay, Lord. i think you're telling me that you want me to put up half the money with the little branches money. i am okay with that. thanks."

another day passes. and i go to the informational meeting. we find out exactly how much it's going to be. wowza. 

we also see videos and pictures.

and all sorts of emotions begin to well up in my heart. remember, i think i'm going for the orphans. i already have the scenario played out in my mind. but the Lord says no. He pulls me a different direction. towards the women's clinic that this precious man, emma {who is younger than i am!} has started. my heart goes out to these women. the ones who are pregnant and feel like that have no hope. the ones that are sick & cannot provide for the children they already have, let alone the one that they're carrying. i'm literally sitting in this informational meeting asking all sorts of horrible questions about what abortion is like in uganda. is it safe? what choices do they have? what are the hospitals like? my eyes have tears in them and i feel like a boulder is sitting on my chest. 

there is no doubt in my mind that i'm going. 

and by this time, there was no doubt about how i was going to get there.

i got in my car and i said out loud, "You want it all, don't You?"

immediately i felt a peace. immediately i remembered that it wasn't even mine to begin with. it's His. He gave it to me. He can take it from me - whether i participate willingly or not. and why is it that He plants desires in our hearts but then asks us to surrender those same desires that HE gives us to Him? and why is it so hard to do that? 

i don't think that i am going to uganda to meet my future child. i don't think that, but again, He has done greater things. i do think the Lord is teaching me about sacrifice and control. about surrendering everything to Him - not once - but over and over and over again. about material things being - well - things. and if He wants to take me to africa to teach me that i don't need to put my "hopes and dreams" in a washer and dryer {although i still want one!} then, i'm going to let Him. 

and so, my friends, little branches is going international. sort of. 

100% of the money little branches makes at the trunk show in april is going toward this trip. i have no idea what i will do if i do not make all of that money. but i'm not called to worry about that right now. i'm trying to focus on one thing at a time. i have no idea if i will even sell one item there. i've never done this before. but, i do know He's asked for it all and i will give it all. {after a bit of kicking and screaming, i must admit.} 

***if you want more information on the mission trip to kampala, uganda - email me at becky{at}shoplittlebranches{dot}com. i'd love to fill you in! we will be traveling with engage hope we will be serving at many places, including african hearts**

how little branches was born.

i've struggled for quite some time with being who i think i'm "supposed" to be. please tell me i'm not the only one.

before i had the littles, i was a designer at a large architecture firm in downtown dallas. i loved my job. loved the work, loved the people i worked with & loved all of the beauty that i was exposed to while working there. with that said, i struggled with what the design of my home was "supposed" to be since - you know - i was a "designer". shouldn't it be modern, classic & clean? i was exposed to ALL different designs at work. the latest & the greatest was always sitting on my desk in some shape or form. but this all made for a confused design esthetic at my home. i was trying to be something that i wasn't. i'm not talking about being a designer, i'm talking about having a hard time appreciating everything but being comfortable with my choices for myself.

when i quit my job & stayed at home i had a picture all lined out for myself of what a "stay at home" mom looked like. involved, organized, good at time management, my home would always smell good. the toys would be neatly lined up in matching baskets with tags. i'd always wear makeup & have something yummy on my stove when the hubbs got home for dinner. 

can you say it with me? "how's that working out for ya?"

y'all. i'm flawed. in a big way. i'm messy. scattered. disorganized. i'm actually a pretty decent cook, but i'm a piler & i don't ever put away laundry. like, ever.

and i could get totally stuck on this. some days i do. for years, i did. 

and when the hubbs ran for office & i decided i needed to fit into this "politician's wife" mold, i felt like i was banging my head against a wall when i just didn't. i was so discouraged because i felt like i kept falling short of what i thought the Lord wanted me to be.

but the Lord gently reminded me that He made me in His own image. He reminded me that He blessed me with these strengths & allowed my weaknesses because His power is made perfect through them.

He didn't want me to be anything but what He created me to be. messy and disorganized? maybe. but maybe i should start looking at myself from His perspective. 

i will never be politically minded like my husband. i just won't. there are things that are dear to me but i won't ever run for office. i do not wear suits. {i wore ripped up jeans & my zooey deschanel look alike glasses out to dinner with some of our constituents}. i love the people i have met but i will never know all the issues. and i do not need to in order to support the husband that the Lord blessed me with.  that is the key here. 

i am a creative. whatever that means to you, it means a lot of different things to me. but recently it went from meaning "i am a hot mess" to "i am a child of God who is blessed with creativity". what a revelation!

and thus, little branches was born. out of an earnest desire to be who the Lord created me. to use the talents & gifts He had bestowed on me to reach out & bless someone else with the work from my hands. what i have for so long thought of as a hinderance or an undesirable quality has now become something i am incredibly proud of.

i can also, in turn, bless my family with my earnings. it's such a blessing to contribute a little extra to the financial load! if you wonder if it's 'godly' to be a business woman, just read proverbs 31. she's a role model for the modern day business woman!

more recently, as we gear up to move, i've had my hopes set on a new mattress. {ours is over 15 years old!} and maybe a new washer and dryer. you know, those pretty shiny ones. maybe a red one? ahhh... a gal could dream. and yes, the hubbs & i could talk about it and save up, but what a blessing that would be if little branches could provide this so it doesn't dip into our already planned savings and yearly budget?

but the Lord has other plans for the fruits of little branches... and i cannot wait to share with you all tomorrow!

preparing for worship.

the sun comes up. there's a new day dawning. it's time to sing Your song again. whatever may pass & whatever lies before me - let me be singing when the evening comes. 

happy sunday. may it be blessed.

life.

the bible tells us in jeremiah 1:5 "before I formed you in the womb, I knew you." do you believe that to be Truth?

i do. 

yesterday was sanctity of life sunday. according to wikepedia {which know is always accurate & reliable, right?} "In a January 13, 1984 proclamation, President Ronald Reagan designated January 22, 1984 as the first National Sanctity of Human Life Day. The date was chosen to coincide with the 11th anniversary of the Roe v. Wade Supreme Court case that first recognized the constitutionally-protected status of abortion in the United States.^[1]"

our pastor preached out boldly yesterday. and my heart ached.

he brought not-so-startling statistics regarding abortion & the abused. not startling but certainly alarming. and my heart ached.

he talked about how the Lord creates every life for His purpose. for His glory. and that we, as a society, view life & children very nonchalantly. and my heart ached.

my heart aches for the children that have been aborted. who were never given the chance to live their life. the life that, i believe, the Lord intended for them to live - but also knowing their ultimate fate.

my heart aches for the children who are unwanted. the ones who are unloved, abused or discarded. the orphans. the ones who have parents who honestly love them, but are in situations that they cannot get "straightened out", for lack of a better term, and therefore cannot care adequately for them.

i left the sermon feeling broken.

i know that my beliefs are certainly rooted in my faith. and our argument of when life begins will differ if you and i do not share the same faith. and that is okay.  one thing that is wonderful about living in america is that we have the ability to disagree. and that is wonderful.

i want my views and opinions to be challenged. there are certainly issues that i am not 100% educated about. there are issues that i do not feel as strongly about and there are ones that i am open to other people's concerns about.

but this. this one is not one of them. i have prayed and prayed about it for years. it's an issue that has been on my heart from the time i was in college. i read a book that rocked my views about choice and "women's rights".

i realized that God has a plan for every life. every. single. one. and yes, you might be in a tough place. one that i cannot comprehend or imagine. and i cannot promise you that there aren't consequences no matter what you choose but i can promise you this.

that God loves you. God loves your children. He has a plan for your child.  so much greater than what our plans could ever be. give Him a chance.

the hubbs & i know that we will adopt some day. there is a hole the size of texas in my heart, that grows by the day, waiting to be filled by a child {or children!} that are not biologically our own. there are SO many children that are neglected and tossed away in foreign countries. their view of children is minimal and thus so is their treatment.

i have met some of these children that have been rescued. that the Lord has so graciously placed into the arms of families we love & therefore these children are now children that we love. we are so inspired by the families that have stepped up to the plate and answered the Lord's call on their lives.

while i wish that we could give EVERY child a home, my eyes have been opened to the fact that there are so many children here - in my suburb of plano - that are neglected, unwanted, abused & abandoned. there are oh so many that are NOT LOVED. can you imagine that? a child in their own home not feeling love from their own mother or father? feeling discarded and lonely? my heart aches. i have cried many tears over these children.

and the more j. and i pray about it, the more we feel called here. to serve, to learn more, to simply care. there are so many ways to help. i feel very strongly about the foster care system. a social services lawyer told me last year that once children hit 2 years old their likelihood of finding permanent homes goes down dramatically. at 2 years old?

my daughter is 2. i cannot imagine her permanently floating from house to house hoping for someone to latch onto her. care for her. bring her up in the ways of the Lord. someone to play dress up with. someone to braid her hair. someone to read stories with. someone to hold her at night time when she has a scary dream. someone to rock her to sleep.....

these children are innocent. they have not made these choices. their parents have either made poor choices are simply have found themselves in a terrible situation.

either way. these children are out there and WE can help. 

i know that it is not yet our time to adopt. i know we will be there some day. but what can i do now? what can i do to not simply be "anti-abortion" or "anti-choice" but to be PRO-life, PRO-children?

there are SO many things.

i am in plano and there is a wonderful advocacy center here for children. i have met some of the wonderful women who work here and i need to take a tour. my husband has and it changed him. that's why i've been putting it off, i guess. there's no way i'll be able to walk through and NOT be emotional about it. i'd want to come home with a child every time i went. look up your town and see if there is an advocacy center. there are so many ways to volunteer. you can help with administrative stuff if you don't think you can handle the child interaction. they need all sorts of help - and donations - not just monetary.

our church also has a WONDERFUL pregnancy center. i have wanted to be a volunteer here for such a long time. my time does not allow it at the moment with two littles at home. however, like i said before, you can volunteer from your house! i've called through lists they provided to ask for sponsorships for their benefits. i've stuffed envelopes. i've sent out emails. a few years ago, we took on a little cookbook project in which we were able to donate $3,000 dollars to the pregnancy center as a group of women.

i promise if you pray for a way to promote life, the Lord will give you a way. 

please know, that if you find yourself in a desperate situation, there is hope. there ARE options - even if you don't feel like there are. the way that seems easiest right now just might be the hardest in the long run. i serve a God of grace, mercy, healing, forgiveness. you are NOT alone. He is with you - even in your darkest moments. reach out to someone for help. for guidance. wisdom. 

monday.

hi there.

how was your weekend?

mine was busy. the hubbs was out of town on a fun surprise guys trip to visit one of his high school buddies for his 30th. so much fun.

that left me with two kids a messy house and a truck full of laundry for the weekend after such a chaotic week last week.

saturday morning we had a change of plans & headed to the airport to welcome our friend holly home from spending two whole months in uganda. she brought back two precious little ones to join her family - and make their home a house full of seven. they are a blessing. you can read more of their story here.

saturday afternoon i was blessed to have my sister & brother in law over to help me and give me a bit of a distraction. life at our house has been somewhat hectic and my priorities have slipped in terms of homemaking - which should be my first priority whether or not i stayed at home - but since i DO stay at home it HAS to be my first priority. if i want to be able to clearly focus on anything else, my priorities MUST be in line with His or it will all come unglued. that was starting to happen & she helped me out. thank the Lord for her. {and uncle trent wore b. out with scooter rides & lego playing!}

i was so grateful to get my hubby back yesterday. i normally welcome a bit of time to myself. i generally get a lot accomplished AND get to watch a sappy movie or two while he's out.

this time was different.

this time it settled in - deep in my soul - that this is going to be a way of life for us for a while. it started to wear on me. and i cried.  i prayed that the Lord would prepare me. prepare us for what is to come. to protect our marriage from the world. to allow me to make our home a safe haven from the ugliness that my precious God-fearing husband will be experiencing in just a short time.

i prayed that the Lord would gently remind me that He chose this for us. not the other way around. that although my husband may be away physically, emotionally he will still be very present in our home & in my life. and that i should be grateful not just for a husband but for one that cares, loves, protects & provides for my children & myself. 

the Lord always puts things in perspective doesn't He? i think the waiting is going to be worse than the trial. don't you?

either way - there are exciting things happening this week at our house. i can't wait to share all that i have prepared for the shop on thursday. there will be giveaways galore & i am giddy to say the least.

we have halloween on wednesday? really? i should be prepared but i'm not. i started lil' miss's costume a while ago but am far from finished. it's 'easy' in my mind so i keep putting it off. oh well - things like that have a way of getting done.

and c's birthday is coming up. i need to plan something. hmm.

and election day next week? finally. praying for God's will to be done in all elections. y'all - the presidential election is important. very important. but let me share a little nugget of Truth with you right quick.... the local elections will affect you daily. for reals. if you have any questions on how to figure out who you are voting for let me know and i'll send you some resources.

it's a happy monday, isn't it? jumping right into this week with some hot coffee. keep it coming.

wednesday.

happy wednesday y'all.

wednesday came way faster than i had hoped it would come this week. half the week gone. half the week to go. this saying yes thing has been interesting.

i think b has caught on to what's going on and has asked for extra time on the iPad {he usually just gets it right before bed}... no. he's asked for extra tv time.... no. extra cookies.... no. being a yes mom does not mean they get the run of the house or get to do anything they want. it does mean i will stop whatever i'm doing {as long as it's not taking a shower or trying to get the kids out the door to school} and hold c. in my lap when she asks. or read b. a story. or get out the colors. or sit outside with them, just because they want ME to watch them.

it's been interesting. i realize how much i say 'no' and 'not now' and 'maybe later'. it's a lot, y'all. it's my go-to-response, unfortunately. i've had to make an intentional effort to say yes. a lot more intentional than i'd like to admit unfortuantely! ugh!

how's your week going with it? we've ended up making cookies, being pushed on the swings {my least favorite thing to do - seriously}, having a picnic outside, eating breakfast in front of the tv {let's be honest, that one happens all the time}, having a marching band with pots & pans and doing a lot of cuddling.

it's made me slow down.

but then my mind starts spinning with all that i need to do. and, being vulnerable here, want to do.

we have a lot of new things on the horizon for our family. terribly exciting adventures, but along with that comes a lot of hard work, intentional efforts with each other and time management - something i am NOT good at.

my only solace is that all of these things are things that the Lord has all but commanded us to do. to go forward with. to press on toward. i'm thankful to have experienced His leading so clearly in my life on numerous occasions over the past year. it's been amazing. humbling. challenging. trying.

i pray that in all things we embark on we glorify His name first. and put our family above all other 'things'. that we remember what is eternal and what is not. relationships definitely ARE eternal work. have you all been reading edie's hospitality series? my absolute favorite post so far is this one. she says:

"We march through life using people for gain, trampling on their hearts, or worse yet, ignoring them altogether. We have forgotten that this is life and death. These relationships where we live our lives are holy ground.  And it matters immensely how I tread on this soil."

wow. 

if you haven't read her series, stop what you're doing {unless you're saying YES to your littles!} and read through it. it's great to refocus our hearts - especially before the holidays - a special season of hospitality!

and a special song of encouragement this morning to send you on your day. this has become my heart's cry. enjoy.

being a 'yes' mom.

so, this weekend the hubbs & i had the opportunity to go to the tx/ou football game at the cottonbowl. so very cool. it's one of those things i've always wanted to do but you can't quite justify spending close to $400 when it's not really your team. but we got tix and had the wonderful opportunity to go this year {even though 'our' team was all but shut out!}

we rode the dart rail there & back and on the way back we were some of the only people on the train. there was another couple & their son who was probably 10 or 11 on there with us. the son was obviously excited about whatever they had been doing that day and was super inquisitive about the train & where it was going, etc. 

the dad was NOT having it. 

it was awful. my heart broke for this child. the dad was raising his voice telling the little boy to "be quiet" and to "stop talking" and that "everyone wants to rest" and "your voice is annoying right now". i couldn't believe it. i kept having to tell the hubbs to stop glaring looking. 

the son was NOT being annoying, he was just being a little boy asking questions while on the train. now, i don't pretend to know how their day had been going up until that point. i kept trying to remind myself that it could have been an awful day with him, or that they could be going through something.... even so the mom ended up moving to the back of the car. it was... well... weird.

but it got me to thinking about how i talk to b. how i react to him. even when i have a long day. even when he's been incredibly defiant & disobedient. even... even... even. 

and i suddenly was very convicted. about my tone. about my immediate reaction. i want it to be one of encouragement, not discouragement.... or condescending. i want to be a 'yes' mom.

i want to put my phone away when they are looking. i want to give them 100% of my attention SEVERAL times a day. i'm not one to think they should get everything they want when they want it... life does not revolve around them. or me. but we're a family and they need to feel important. 

i want to be b's biggest cheerleader when he colors inside the lines or when he pretends to be a super hero. i want to speak more words of 'yes' and encouragement than those of dissent or discipline. i want to focus on all that they do good... all that they do right... not just what i need to correct.

so this week i'm going to be intention about saying yes. 

"can we go to the park?" yes.

"can we play with the play dough?" yes.

"can we build a fort?" yes.

and being positive. praising their good behavior. the traits that make them who they are - uniquely His - and focusing on what they do well. going out of my way to encourage them and love on them.

i should be doing this all the time. but life gets busy. and plans take over. and worry over discipline & training takes precedence. sometimes out of necessity, sometimes out of control and sometimes out of pure selfishness.

i have a lot on my plate this week.  but behind the hubbs, my two little ones are going to be my highest priority. making them feel special & important this week. because how can i expect them to make others feel encouraged and special if they do not feel special themselves? 

will you join me in my quest? i know it's not going to be easy & we're going to have hard days this week. but i know that He will provide the strength and tenderness that i need to love on my kids. praise Jesus.

happy monday.

two. more. weeks.

welp. we're here. the two week countdown is on. and i couldn't be more exhausted excited.

 understandably, i think i will noticeably {or unnoticeably} absent from the blogosphere for the next two weeks. the campaign has become the beast that we knew it would and managing time with the kiddos, trying to keep up with healthy meals, discipline, campaign obligations, and the like has taken over what anyone would have considered "normal" almost one year ago.

as this season draws to a close, i am ever grateful for all that the Lord has taught me. it has been tough, but well worth it.  the Lord has never promised an easy walk... and this is no exception. the Lord has given me strength beyond my wildest imagination. or should i say that really the Lord has been MY strength in the weaknesses that were weaker my wildest imagination.

sometimes i hesitate to talk about this season of life that we're in. i am am well aware that there are much harder seasons that we could be going through right now than this. i have friends who have miscarried their precious babies, who are going through rough divorces, who have lost loved ones. i am not at all pretending that this season even comes close to how tough that would be. please hear me on that.

it is however a major life change that has been happening for the last 11 and 1/2 months {but there's no need to be exact, is there? remember, when we signed up for this it was supposed to be "over" in early march. it's july. the END of july, actually. again, with the exactness...} 

this is a road that we do not travel on lightly for several reasons. one being that the Lord very clearly called us here. maybe some day i will discuss all of the things that came to pass that cleared the road for us, but let's just say that it was almost as if the Lord came down and parted the red sea to show us which path to take.  that in and of itself is something we view as a huge responsibility.

second - this choice takes a LOT of time from our family, and we would not be doing it unless we were convinced that this was what we were supposed to do. as we prayed about this race we knew that this was part of it. i remember praying about it on my knees one afternoon when the kids were napping and i remember asking the Lord how in the world could that void be filled and He {almost audibly} pressed upon my heart, "Becky, I am BIGGER than that. I am the Father to the Fatherless. I am the Husband to the Husbandless. I AM."

we feel that we have a higher goal in all of this, and to some of you out there it might sound totally off the wall, i realize that. but our goal is to glorify the Lord with each step that we take. it's been tough. we've had some tough stuff to swallow along with hard decisions to make. i cannot even begin to express to you how awful it feels when your husband is being lied about and that people are believing these lies. people tried to prepare me. i tried to prepare myself, but it doesn't take the lingering sting out with each one that comes.

i know that the Lord promises us an eternal victory - not one on this earth. so if we win, i will be praising the Lord for a tangible victory for days to come. but if we lose? well, i'll be praising Him for taking us on this roller coaster ride of a journey and teaching us to blindly trust Him. something neither one of us had ever experienced before. either way, i'll be praising Him for having a higher purpose for us. knowing that our identity is not found in this race or in the winning or losing. it is found in Jesus. hallelujah. end of story.

so thank you all for your prayers. we are tremendously blessed by the outpouring of support and prayers from others. we've been loved on by countless new friends that we know the Lord placed in our path for this season of our lives. i cannot say enough how thankful we are for every prayer uttered on our behalf.

here's to July 31st! this song has been at the top of my playlist all week thanks to an awesome worship time led by the youth on sunday. enjoy! i hope it blesses you!