Monday, April 22, 2013


do you ever have those weekends where you feel yourself gearing up for what is lying ahead? the kind where you try to soak it all in and breathe deep because you know it's about to be crazy hard coming up? 

that's what we did this weekend. went on a little getaway with some dear friends. 

and it was awesome. just what i needed. because these next few weeks are going to be cray-cray. the end of school, end of session, birthdays, swim lessons, volunteering, lunches, dinners, etc. just lots and lots of transitions and stuff happening. 

and so, with every breath this weekend, i tried to soak in the quiet. and gear up. and try to plan out how i'm going to pull it all together this week. {read: pull myself together this week.}

and as i was writing out my to do list, going over our calendar and thinking of all the {good} stuff coming up, i was trying to get it in my head that i need to have it all together or none of it's together. 

but that's not right, is it? 

having balance in my life really isn't a good thing. 

it's all about having it unbalanced. doesn't that sound backward? 

it's really all about having a life out of balance. God taking over - being huge in our life and the other stuff falls in when it can. i'm not saying that i don't need to do laundry or fix my dinner or wind down. i'm saying that if my priorities are straight - unbalanced, if you will - then everything will feel in balance.

and so today - i'm taking it one step at a time - trying to give myself a lot of grace. a lot of room for error. asking the Lord to take me by the hand one chore at a time. asking Him to show me what is a need vs. want. what does He want me to get done vs. what i want to make happen. 

and it's hard. but freeing. a few times today, as i've found myself rushing from one task to the next, i feel Him whisper "slooooow....." and i quite literally have to slow my steps. breathe slower. smile more. see my kids more.

i'm excited to get on with the next few weeks, but i truly feel convinced that we tend to fill up our time with good things instead of pouring out our time to Him. in this season i find that i've had to cut activities out just to make it through the week. without an extra set of hands it feels like a gigantic task to get to and from and here and there. and yes, i have dear friends that are more than happy to help out - but that's not really the issue now. 

the issue now is that i actually like it this way. i like slowing down and having room to breathe. our weekends are meant to rejuvinate us {especially as a couple, in my opinion} and when we're separated by a million activities it's hard to feel refreshed when it's all over.

maybe you could say that my kids are "missing out" because we're not involved in every activity, but i'm actually grateful that we have time to experience life as a family while we can. i know there's going to come a day really soon when b. is going to be hyper involved in a sport or other activity. and c. will be doing the same soon after. and i want that for them. i loved being involved. so did the hubbs.

but - for now - we've chosen to live slowly. and again, it's our season. not anyone else's. and as judged as i sometimes feel, i know that j. and i are making these choices together and are on the same page. we're trying to follow our plan - the race He set out before us.

so let's make a deal. let's give each other grace. i won't judge your choices and you don't judge mine. your life is different than mine. your personality is different. your kids are different. your circumstances are different. none harder than the other. none better or worse... just different. 

and there's no way i could ever walk a mile in your shoes. and i wouldn't want to, i'm sure. 

so let's not pretend there's another way. and just accept that we are who we are. and keep our eyes on the Prize and not on our surroundings. keeping up with the joneses - or what have you. if you're in a season where you are able to live "fast"... go for it. more power to you. 

i'm just simply sharing that my season - well - it should be "fast". it's crazy. but we're choosing to live it slow. whatever that means. and i'll be trying to figure that out until i'm called elsewhere. failing everyday and giving myself {and others!} grace.

and that's that. 


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