relief.

"oh give thanks to the Lord, call upon His name; make known His deeds among the peoples. sing to Him, sing praises to Him; speak of all His wonders. glory in His holy name; let the heart of those who seek the Lord be glad. seek the Lord & his strength; seek his face continually. remember His wonders which He has done, His marvels & the judgements uttered by His mouth..." {psalm 105:1-5}

***pictures in this post are by my precious friend, sarah avitua! check her out, she's amazingly talented and i'm blessed to have her as a friend!***

i cannot begin to describe the journey that started for the hubbs and i on august 2, 2011.  the only word i can think to even start is life altering. we thought we were headed down one road. a pretty easy road. the one far more travelled for sure. a road of comfort and ease. happiness. guardedness.

and nothing - and i mean absolutely nothing - was wrong with that road. i was perfectly content, as was the hubbs. and we were there, unknowingly, for a purpose. we were resting. the Lord was preparing us for the road ahead and i will be forever grateful for that time of calm, as i'd call it looking back on it now, before the storm.

some day i want to talk about where i was in my faith journey when the Lord called us. i feel like that's a real lesson for me to ponder on and i have yet to fully grasp all that He's trying to teach me - even from lessons a year ago - and as soon as i can form a coherent thought about it, i would love to share. it's just all gone so fast that i haven't really been able to really process it all yet. but i will. soon.

i do - however - want to share one thing from the past week. it's too wonderful not share.

  

first of all. we were not supposed to win. we were, by all measures, when we started out - the underdog. the unknown. we started out behind. our eventual opponent had run before. four years ago. and seemed to know everyone & everything. 

when we were praying about this, many people assumed that this person would run again. and based on his previous race, that it would get ugly. nasty even. they tried to prepare me. i tried to prepare myself. i prayed that the Lord would prepare my heart. that He would heal me from whatever words were uttered against me and my family. my husband. the love of my life. the man that, although not perfect, i hold in the utmost esteem of anyone.

but when it turned very ugly very quickly last week my heart was broken. thursday morning i was on my face on my bedroom floor before the Lord. my heart was broken. i felt empty & alone. i kept asking the Lord where He was. not only did it seem like the "enemy" was gaining ground, but it seemed like he was out to destroy us with empty lies & false deceit. i didn't feel any sort of peace that passes understanding. and that made me angry. especially since i had been praying for the Lord to prepare my heart. 

but i continued to cling. even in my confusion and brokeness i clung to His truth. psalm 37 was the passage i read through entirely nearly every day - especially at the end. the now tear stained pages of my bible are precious to me now. "do not fret because of evildoers, be not envious toward wrongdoers. for they will wither quickly like the grass and fade like the green herb." psalm 37:1, 2

here's the deal, people. i am a pray-er. i think i pray a lot. {maybe i just talk a lot?} but i learned, long ago, to pray - above all - for God's will to be done. that just because God is on our side and we know we're following the path He laid out for us, He doesn't guarantee any victory on this earth. we live in a fallen world, after all. there will be unfairness, death, sickness, ugliness, evilness. that's just part of it. i believe it makes us long for Heaven, to be with Jesus for eternity.

i've been almost scared to pray for the true desires of my heart. i don't want my faith to suffer if God doesn't answer my specific prayer. does that make any sense at all? but it's all so silly because He already knows, doesn't He? but as i studied james last semester i've been haunted by these verses:

"but if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously & without reproach, and it will be given to him. but he must ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind." {james 1:5, 6}

so i hesitate to even share this. because if you know me personally, you know that i believe with all my heart that God has a greater plan than any of us will ever know. that if we lost we are assured that He has our best interest at heart & we will never doubt saying 'yes' when he called us. 

but on thursday, in the midst of my tears & heartache, i felt led to pray specifically. boldly. without hesitation. 

these are the two things i prayed.

1. that a piece of our mail would hit the mailboxes that day. we had been having a bit of trouble at the post office & it was very important that it hit that day... see prayer #2.

2. we had a big debate thursday night with our opponent. without going into too much detail, the hubbs had written four questions & the opponent had written four questions. it was expected to get heated and both the hubbs & i were at a loss as to how to defend ourselves and point out truths {that might have been perceived as negative} without ruining our witness for Christ. we have a Higher Authority to answer to at the end of this life. so my prayer was that we would not have to say ONE negative word. that we would be able to focus on the Hubbs & why he was the best - not why the other guy was a wrong choice. 

so. what happened?

three pieces of our mail ended up in the mailbox.

and our opponent did not even show up for the debate. 

at the end of the day, i was speechless. 

"now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think according to the power that works within us" {ephesians 3:20}

for reals ya'll.

and please hear me. i have never ever prayed for a win. the Lord knows our desires, i firmly believe that, but i had never ever ever prayed for that.

but lying in bed on tuesday morning at 3 AM when the hubbs got up and went for a jog before election day commenced, i felt led again. i said outloud, "lord. i know that you can do this. i know that your ways are not my ways and your thoughts are not my thoughts, but Lord. i am praying right now for a 7 point difference in early voting. give us 7 points."

again, as i prayed this - i suddenly was aware of what it meant to pray without doubting, all the while be just as aware that He has a plan greater than mine. it was faith changing. just that moment alone. 

and then 7:00 rolled around. after a long and hot day it was finally time. the hubbs and i, along with our precious campaign manager and three treasured friends were at our house hovered around a computer waiting for the results to be posted. 

j got a phone call and slipped into the back room as we waited. and waited. and waited. 

why was he still back there??

when i went to check on him, absolutely sure it was not good news, he handed me an envelope with these numbers on it. 

do you see that difference?

6.7% 

if you're the rounding kind, which i am, of course, that's 7 points. or pretty darn close if you aren't the rounding kind.

i felt the Lord wink at me. seriously. as in, "becky, of course this is in my hands & i knew your desires all along. why don't you just talk to ME about them instead of thinking you're so foolish..."

and of course, this was pretty close to the end percentages as well. of course He would do that. and the difference was actually 705 votes. it just makes me chuckle. i think the Lord has a sense of humor, do you?

please hear me. this is very important. win or lose, today i hope that i would have said "praise the Lord for what He has done." win or lose, i pray that i would have said "God is abundantly good." 

because, of course He is. win, lose, good, bad, ugly. He is good. and He has a plan. and i hope you ALL experience Him in your life. 

now. i must wrap my arms around what all this means for our life. 

do i need to start calling the husband "mr. state representative?"