heavy.

Jesus said "...He has sent me to heal the brokenhearted..." {luke 4:18}

i don't know about you, but several people, that i would consider aquaintances, have experienced great loss over the past few weeks. 

it's heartbreaking. to read about it and to somewhat feel a little bit of their pain. 

to think about losing one of my sweet littles. to cancer. 

it's overwhelming. 

but yesterday, as i was driving back to town, i received a text message from a sweet friend telling me of a great loss that her family experienced over the weekend. a senseless tragedy in the form of a horrible car accident. and although i do not know this part of her family personally, i have come to love them through the extension of my dear friend. 

and let me just tell you, it was more than i could take. 

it felt paralyzing. for me, who didn't even know the immediate family personally, it all just hit home. 

my heart is still aching for them even as i type this. 

i was away from all of my family when i received the message. away from jeff and my littles. 

i had two hours to ask how our dear heavenly Father could allow such things to happen. so suddenly. without any warning. and to allow a father to outlive a child. it just seems cruel.

but as i was fighting back tears, i received another text from my dear friend. it read:

"such an awful tragedy. indescribable. and has been so hard to see everyone mourning. but god is good and we know He is loving on her as we speak."

amazing. it brings tears to my eyes even still.

she's right.

God. is. good. 

even in the midst of such senseless and awful tragedy.

the awful fact is that we live in a fallen world. and tragedy happens. 

but it's all a means to an end, really. because it is in this devestating tragedy that we cling to our sweet Jesus. and it's in the tragedy that we realize the hope we have in heaven. in seeing this precious little girl again and meeting our Lord face to face. 

for me, though, what can be paralyzing is that this meeting with our Lord could take place any second. for us, or for any of our dear loved ones. this is what hits in the depth of my soul and can, if i'm not careful, absolutely overwhelm me with grief & anxiety. 

but as i have been praying for this sweet family today, our faithful God has reminded me over and over how this is a sin. for me to worry & to be anxious for my own loved ones is a sin. for jesus said "and who of you, by being worried, can add a single hour to his life?" {matthew 6:27}

whoa. 

powerful message, right?

my dear friend was {and is} right. GOD IS GOOD. and, as she put it in her first message to me, He has a PERFECT plan. much more perfect that mine every could be. HE knows when my time is up. when my dear husband's time is up. when my precious, precious littles' times will be up. and who am i to worry about when that time will be or how it will come? worrying about it does not and will not change it. praying about it will draw me closer to him and strengthen my trust that my loved ones are in HIS hands, not mine. and that is so much better. 

"but seek first HIS kingdom and his righteousness and all these things will be added unto you. so do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will care for itself. each day has enough trouble of its own." matthew 6:33-34

this will be my focus in raising and loving on my children. this has to be my focus. because no matter how hard i try, i do not have control. 

i love the lord.

i love this sweet family. 

and i pray that all of those who have experienced this tragedy, and others like it, would find the perfect peace that only comes from trusting in the one true living God.