Friday, February 24, 2012

hooray for friday!

i don't think i've been so glad to see a friday in a while. 

i know we all have weeks like that.

yesterday afternoon around 4, i asked myself why i was so exhausted - afterall, it's been a pretty good week all in all. 

and i was reminded that life is heavy right now. not any heavier than anyone else's... but heavier than mine has been. ever.

and around 5 i felt the crying coming on. for no reason - just cracking under the pressure. 

but instead of crying, i made some sweet tea {because it was 82 degrees, right?} and we cleaned up the back yard so it was 'worthy' of playing in. it was nice to sit on our back porch and just enjoy the wonderful weather. i'm so looking forward to patio weather - especially since i now have a good back porch. it's basic, but large and covered. 

have you enjoyed your week? 

we've enjoyed the wonderful weather with a few trips to the park... meeting our friends that live close.

my week has been all about working out our routine. working out what works best for the kids. for myself. for my house... for my husband. 

i long for our house to be a safehaven for the hubbs. when he gets home, i want him to be able to take a deep breath and let his guard down. instead, i feel like in recent weeks {if not months} it's been chaos. toys everywhere. unfolded laundry. impatient momma. crying and screaming kids. unmade beds... full laundry baskets... dirty dishes. 

and we are both fried at the end of the day. can you relate?

and i was overwhelmed. that it was NOT a peaceful house. that i felt like there was no hope for a peaceful & quiet house full of two kids and a dog. 

but last week i had a revelation.

 i had gone over to a girlfriend's house who always seems like she has it together. {she would tell me - and tell you - that i'm wrong... and that she doesn't.} it's just one of those things that when you walk into her home you feel like you just want to take a deep breath and breathe it all in. {ahhhhh........} it's quiet. and clean - not in the untouchable way - but in the comfortable way. and.... peaceful. and she has two kids - albeit one is 7 and one is 2... but TWO kids. and all the toys to go with it. seriously!

and after visiting with her i always feel full. always.

and then i had to go back to my house. that just feels messy and cluttered and disorganized and dirty. i'm not talking about the 'pretty' aspect of a house... i'm talking about that feeling when you walk in the door and you're smacked in the face with all the chores that need your attention. and your kids that long for your attention. and the t.v. that was left on and is now not playing mickey mouse but playing some cheesy pre-teeny bopper show.

and there is so much ... noise.

both literally and figuratively.

so much that you feel frozen. paralyzed. like you don't make a dent in what you have to do so you don't even try.

that's where i was. where i've been. and i was tired.

so, i emailed said friend. i told her that i knew how much of a stickler she was for routine and organization and neatness... and i wanted some tips.

she sweetly - and ever so gently - emailed me back and told me to give myself some grace. that her kids were older and more self sufficient and that makes a huge difference. that routine and neatness and organization come naturally to her - it's her personality so she doesn't have to try terribly hard for it to happen.

and that's when it hit me. 

it does not come naturally to me. and i've been beating myself up about it for years. but it doesn't. it's not my personality - in fact it's my personality to be messy. and artsy fartsy. and living life to the fullest, not caring if all the toys are in the appropriate baskets. i use that part of my brain... i think scattered thoughts, i always have.

so what does that mean for me? my husband IS a neat freak. and this not coming naturally to me doesn't mean that i don't want a peaceful house that is organized. i do. but i've accepted the fact that it just might look different for me.

so i changed my perspective. and there are a few things that have rocked my world the past week by making ever so slight adjustments here and there. not radical changes... simple changes, actually. but i feel so much better. i cannot even tell you how much of a difference it has made to our life and our home. my attitude. 

ahhhhh....... take a deep breath. it's friday. take it all in.


  1. Oh my. Did you read my mind this morning?! Seriously! I feel like that was exactly MY brain dump that I just read. Same wants for my home and husband, same realization that it's just not easy for me, and lots of beating myself up about it. Is it bad that now I don't feel so alone in my thoughts ;). Dying to know the small changes you made... Happy Friday! :)

  2. Oh Becky, I am just like you (minus the artsy part and plus the messy part). I am so thankful to have you in my life and know I will be so thankful for your experiences once I'm married to a Leach boy and have little Leaches running around too :). I hope you are taking notes for me!!!!!! <3

  3. Our lives our so Jeff is a neat freak as well and it bothers me for him to come home to a messy toy strewn house. I'm doing the best I can though...given the situation. :) Thank you for putting to words how I, how we all, feel.